2021: A Retrospective Through Music
Inspired by Cam over at the Geek Locker, I’ve decided to review 2021 through the lens of ten songs that helped me get through it. This list isn’t limited to songs that were released in 2021, although it includes some; instead it is focused on songs I found, rediscovered, or vibed to over the past twelve months.
Halloween by Nova Amor
Autumn has always been my favorite time of year. I love all of its aspects: the leaves changing, the crisp air, the bluebird skies, spiced tea and fresh apples. My two favorite events of the year - Halloween and the Head of the Charles Regatta in Boston - both fall in October. This year, Head of the Charles was the reunion with my college friends that I desperately needed in the wake of a long year, and Halloween was a chance to connect with some of my lab mates after a year and a half of remote interactions. (Turns out switching labs during a pandemic is Hard)
I haven’t been a very good friend this year, and it was often hard for me to feel like I had any friends at all. Mostly I claim self-preservation and my own introverted nature, but really I just need to get better about reaching out to people when I think of them and telling them what they mean to me.
Favorite lyrics:
I miss my friends that I pretend I don't need
But damn it, I needed you this weekMelatonin by Birds of Bellwoods
I am, and always will be, an optimist. And believe me when I say that it’s been exhausting. I have high-functioning anxiety that’s been mainly under control since undergrad, thanks to a combination of regularly working out, fixing my internal monologue, and a dose of melatonin when I need it. But the kaleidoscope combination of all of that means that I float through my daily live with a fierce determination to keep calm and carry on, trying new things and attacking different tasks with unfocused zeal, until I force-quit my brain to sleep. This song captures the kind of manic optimism that I feel despite the fact that whole word seems to be collapsing all around me.
Favorite lyrics:
Beside my bed I keep a bottle of dreams
I wake up, I wake up, and I go back to sleepHow Dare You Want More by the Bleachers
Like many other people, I’ve found that as I enter my mid-20s (and maybe also thanks to “unprecedented times”) I have less patience for self-induced misery, unnecessary pressure, and general BS. I’ve become tired of overtaxing myself to make everyone around me happy all the time, and conforming to the culture of overwork and imposter syndrome that is so rampant in graduate school. I’m tired of making myself smaller. This song feels like an ironic take on demanding more for yourself. It captures the hands-up feeling of breaking out of your own misery, and has a killer saxophone solo to boot.
Favorite lyrics:
Who am I without this weight on my shoulder?
Oh God, I'm dying to know
But how dare you want moreBetter in the Morning by Birdtalker
This was the year that I finally learned to be kind to myself. (Cue the applause from years of friends, teachers, and coaches) This is a song that is kind of about that, and it is also beautiful. For some reason, it also reminds me of escaping to a misty valley in the Scottish highlands, which has been a running fantasy of mine throughout grad school.
Favorite lyrics:
Stuck inside a cycle of opinions
Where there's two clear ways
And I always take the easy one
And I'm always left with the taste in my mouth
I will do better in the morning60 & Punk by Death Cab for Cutie
Death Cab’s most recent album has been a staple for me, and this song in particular has captured my disenchantment with people I used to consider heroes in an industry I used to love. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my 20s so far, its that people are fundamentally people - with all of the complexity and nuance not afforded to symbols. And so maybe it’s best to not put anyone on a pedestal, and to never meet your heroes.
Favorite lyrics:
When I met you I was 22
Trying so hard to play it cool
But there was so much that I needed to say
And nothing came out the right wayTraveling Song by Ryn Weaver
Ryn Weaver is one of my favorite singer/songwriters, despite the fact that she has only released a single album to date. She writes her music like poetry, and this song reminds me of a more polished, poetic version of my own running thoughts from the past year.At the risk of sounding sappy, the one good thing about the past two years has been dedicated time with my partner. We live pretty busy lives, to the point where even when living in the same city for undergrad, we could go weeks without seeing each other one-on-one. So for that, I am grateful.
Favorite lyrics:
Soulmates aren't just lovers, you know? I know, I know
Your eyes are the rain, just a soul that's changin' in shape
I'll be laughin' all of the way
Thinkin' 'bout the days, ohMedicine by Tiny Moving Parts
Confession: I never quite outgrew emo rock. It was always apparent in my throwback playlists and my affinity for older rock and pop-punk bands. But Tiny Moving Parts has somehow captured that same nostalgic malaise of my childhood, and the modern scene of midwest emo bands has shaken things up in a way that I find refreshing and relatable even now as a 20-something grown-ass adult.
Analysis aside, I simply find this song cathartic. I’ve missed a lot of deaths in the past few years due to travel restrictions, lockdowns, and the majority of my family living abroad. I feel like there’s been some cause for tragedy every month and I part of me hates that I’ve never really been able to grieve that.
Favorite lyrics:
I need something symbolic to rupture
I want to seek some unforeseen color
Please get me outside with sunlight
Reflecting off a waterfall
I can’t spend another weekend at a funeralSaturn by Sleeping at Last
Sleeping At Last secured their place in my heart with their astronomy-themed album and collection of songs named for each planet. Of special note is September 15, 2017 - The Grand Finale, a song commemorating the Cassini mission’s final day, and this song, Saturn. (Side note: if you ever want to cry over a spacecraft, the Cassini finale and the team signing off is something to watch)
The lyrics to this song are earnest and raw. In a year where I felt estranged, angry, and even disenchanted with the aerospace industry, this song reminds me about the good in it.
Favorite lyrics:
How rare and beautiful it is to even exist
Bobcaygeon by the Tragically Hip
I’m not entirely sure where to begin with this song. The Tragically Hip are from the same small city in Canada that my family is from, and where a large majority still resides; it is where I spent all of my summers and winters away from school growing up, and it is a place I could not visit for two years because of the pandemic. The lead singer of the band, Gord Downie, was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, and passed away in 2016. Before his passing, the band went on tour one last time and had an amazing performance in Kingston, bringing together an entire city the way that only certain events can. (Part of me thinks back to the Boston Marathon bombings, or something like 9/11 - which I was too young to fully remember)
Context aside, the song on its own is surprisingly complex. The Tragically Hip often tackle topics of fascism, civil unrest, land/water rights, and Canadian history through their music, and this song is no exception. It manages to capture the nostalgia of Canadian cottage country summers and warm nights under the stars amidst a backdrop of anti-fascist riots and the ethical dilemmas of a protagonist who is a member of the mounted police. It wrestles with these concepts in a way that is not overt nor overly preachy, and maybe that’s why I find it so cathartic.
This song stands for me as a juxtaposition of large-scale conflict and the small, intimate moments in an individual’s life. It carries with it the nostalgia of my youth alongside my individual concern for events out of my control.
Favorite lyrics:
I got to your house this morning
Just a little after nineIn the middle of that riot
Couldn’t get you off my mind
A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square by Vera Lynn
Definitely not a song released this year, but I’ve found myself replaying it over and over again. I actually had not heard this song until the finale of Good Omens, the TV adaption of one of my favorite novels, and that version (sung by Tori Amos) led to me jumping down the Jazz rabbit hole.
This song is beautiful, romantic, and it reminds me of Paris in the rain.
Favorite lyrics:
The streets of town were paved with stars
It was such a romantic affair
And as we kissed and said goodnight
A nightingale sang in Berkeley Square
Writing this retrospective was cathartic, and it was enlightening to see what themes I pulled from some of the songs I loved throughout the year. This year has been not-great, but not-as-bad-as-2020. I’ve wrestled with a lot of personal growth. I struggled with patience in grad school, with self-worth, and with being a friend. I witnessed a lot of tragedy, both on a personal level and for the community where I live, with a mass shooting and the largest residential wildfire, all amidst the backdrop of a raging pandemic. I’ve considered leaving my field or dropping out of grad school. I failed in ways I didn’t want to.
But I also tried a lot of new things. I got my open-water SCUBA certification (and subsequent first diving injury), and ran my first triathlon and ultramarathon. I finally submitted to a short story competition (and won!) and landed my first freelance writing gig. I submitted my first first-author paper (which has already been returned with a lot of edits needed, but I've learned to grow a thick skin on that front), and have enjoyed a part-time internship through the school year. I also got engaged, with is exciting and scary in all the right ways.
I usually try to set resolutions or goals for myself for the new year, but to be honest, all I can think about right now is surviving. And that’s okay.